i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
