I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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