I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
