Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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