Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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