T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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