Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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