ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
