so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
