I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
