you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
