4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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