Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
