Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
