You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
