Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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