At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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