I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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