You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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