Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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