I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he puts the penis in happiness.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
