How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
