We got so high we made milksteak
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
