I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
