Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize