i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize