dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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