he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
