I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
