I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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