Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
