Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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