I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
