He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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