Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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