i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
