i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
