my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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