They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize