he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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