My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
