I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
