what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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