You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The air was thick with penises
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize