His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
