Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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