I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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