then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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