Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize