That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
