Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
