I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
