were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
