alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
