Umm I'm too high to move.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
