I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
