Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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