I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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