If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
