I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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