The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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