I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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