How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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