You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
