I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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