No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
