Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize