God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
