i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
