Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
