I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
