Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
