The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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