no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
