Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize