You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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