I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
