I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
