This girl is more easily done than said...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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