sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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