she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
