the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Randomize
