I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
