I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drake has all the answers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
