oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
