I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
