Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How naked do you want me to be?
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