i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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