god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
