the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We are two peas in an std pod
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
