I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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