I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
