There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was born a porn star she said
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
