I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
