How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
