I want to stick my p in your. b.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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