there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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