Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
