the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
