Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
