i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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