mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
