Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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