Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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