I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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