Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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