I wish I could teleport
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
operation have a gay friend backfired
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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